good times over at the flickr pool

look what the fog rolled in

when I left the house it was sunny
and I wore my super wide brimmed hat...
a homeless woman said
"I like your big hat, it's as big as my headache.
Go on girl, walk right cause you a star."

By the time I reached the beach,
the fog had climbed onto shore
and was hugging everything...
it was fun not knowing what lay 20 feet ahead.

I came upon this ewok-dog hybrid named groucho,
according to his owner he likes meat and the ladies.

And on the pier (see photo),
the guy in the striped shirt
was doing the entire Thriller dance,
which was particularly amazing to watch
in the fog
and set to the sound of
harping seagulls and waves rolling in.

excuse my beauty

All captured in a 15 minute walk around the block...

momversations

Mom: You wont believe what happened the other night, it was the straw that took the cake!

if you decide to take a walk in the rain

If you look at the clock, and it is 3:41
and realize that you are still braless
and in pajamas.
and it is raining.
You may want to get dressed and take a walk.

When you walk in the rain in Los Angeles,
there is a good chance
you will have
the place to yourself.

You could see a mama duck with her babies
make good use of the park
that stretches out like a green tongue
from the Venice Library,
A tongue usually claimed by the homeless
who have moved their city under the library eave
and out of the wet.

You might happen across an art gallery
and be the sole customer
and get to take all the time
in the world
to enjoy
the Confabulations of Tucker Neel

You would get to see the sky
feathered out like watercolor on heavy parchment.
And the light would make
the color of things painted for safety
(curbs and pylons)
pop out in 3-D.

And as you walk back home
you may look up just in time to see
a big truck
with the words
Blessings Transportation painted on the side
pass by.

on yesterday's walk

someone wrote the words "small penis" on the side walk
just, small penis.
no, I have a small penis
no, he has a small penis
no, she has a small penis
no, _______ has a small penis

just small penis.

an old Russian couple, probably in their late 70s
sitting on a bench,
and looking out at the ocean.
she was nagging him in Russian
and then his cell phone went off
and it rang with the cheesiest, casio-toned version
of "when the saints go marching in"
that I have ever heard.
hilarious.

a young guy with an Israeli accent
asked me to take his picture (with his camera, not mine)
so I did.
I liked that he just wanted a picture of himself.
It would have been funnier if he asked me to take a picture of himself with my camera.

I saw this magnificent creature


I noticed a Range Rover stopped in the middle of the road
with it's hazards on,
and two women standing over a seagull.
I asked if they had hit the seagull and they said no,
but someone else had and it was very much alive and
the women couldn't bear the thought of someone hitting it again.
It was sitting upright like a goose on her eggs
and it's tongue was hanging out the side of it's beak.
It was clearly in shock and had urinated in place,
staining its feathers yellow.
Someone (not the two ladies) had put two vienna sausages nearby
so that the bird would have food.
It was heartbreaking.
and I had to go to work.
The ladies had vowed to at least find a way
to move the bird to the grass.
I thought about it all day yesterday.

I didnt go by to check today.
but I am thinking about the kindness of those two women
and whoever left the vienna sausages.

R. Crumb Science Fair

I love them all!
But, I have fallen particularly hard for "animal magnetism".

there was a "The Ideal Pancreas: Part 1"? WOW.

They break my heart with their pimples and schlummpy I-wish-I-was-invisible shoulders. As if being a 5th grader isnt hard enough, it's the height of awkward for most of us. Oh, that was an unintentional pun ( I was the tallest girl in 5th grade). But I loved the science fair for giving the popularity-shunned a moment to shine. And it inspired such wacky creativity like "The Code of the Meniscus". Not a baking soda/vinegar volcano in this bunch!

safety instructions for the kidz

Stolen from the seat pocket of my Virgin America flight.


Joseph Campbell once said that adults wearing shorts marked the downfall of a civilization (that's a paraphrase)...I wonder what he'd say about adults wearing shorts while flying?


I like that her shirt rides up exposing skin and that she's got hairbands on her wrist (I relate)


Yo Girl, your bra strap showin...

Props to Virgin America for using hip-hop video dancers as it's safety demo models


I agree, disc-man is OUT! But I cant play my boom box? Why you gotta be like dat, Virgin America... ?

**************************************************************************************

My step sister and I took my Mom to New York over the weekend.
She lost something everywhere we went: earrings, glasses case, gloves...

We lost her every place we went: Neue Gallery, Metropolitan Museum of Art, Metropolitan Opera House, MOMA.

We almost lost our sense of humor, but continued to find it again and again at the bottom of a wine glass.

*****************************************************************

Mom has macular degeneration (or "the macular", as she puts it). And when you have the macular, reading the small print on the placards next to paintings can slow you down.
Missy (my step-sister) and I didnt want to rush her so we all agreed to go at our own pace. Miss and I would zip through the galleries and double back every so often to check on Mom, that was the plan.... First we lost her at the Neue.

Me: Have you seen Mom?
Missy: Well, she was right behind me and I went into the next room. When I went back 3 minutes later she was gone. There are only 2 rooms on that floor. Maybe she went up to the 3rd floor?
Me: Well, that's where I was. There are only 3 rooms on that floor and she's definately not in any of those.
Missy: I bet she's in the gift shop.

We go to the gift shop...she's not there.

Me: Ok, You take one floor I'll take the other, whoever finds her first--texts the other.
Missy: Ok.

15 minutes later Missy and I meet on the stairs. Mom has been missing for almost 40 minutes.

Me: I think we just stay put, hang around the entrance. I cant imagine where she's gone?

5 minutes later...

Mom: Hi girls!
Me: Where have you been? We were looking for you for almost an hour?
Mom: Well, I had to go to the bathroom.
Me: Well, you have to tell one of us if you do that again, ok?

Next stop the Metropolitan. We made it through ancient civilizations without a hitch.

The instructions were.."Mom, I wanna take a picture...you and Missy get in line with the statues."

Adjustment after re-emphasizing word "in line"


We lost her somewhere between John Singer Sargent and Matisse.


Miss and I log another hour+ frantically searching. We finally head towards the security desk, thinking we need to put out an APB. And, there she is, standing erect like a child who knows she's in trouble and trying to look "not in trouble."

Later that evening...**************************************

We go to the Metropolitan Opera to see Carmen. Missy and I sit down in our seats.

Me: Wait, where's Mom?
Missy: She went to the restroom.
Me: Oh shit, do you think we should have waited for her.
Missy: She'll be ok, she knows where we're sitting.

The lights go down.
Mom's seat is empty.
She misses the entire first act, or so I think. I find her at intermission.

Mom: "Well Honey, what did you think?"
Me: "Oh Mom, you missed the whole first act! We're you ok, what did you do?
Mom: Oh well they wouldnt let me in and Damn IT! that really made me mad so I found someone who worked there and told that I came all the way from Indianapolis to see an Opera at the Metropolitan Opera House and that my Great Aunt was the first American to make her Debut here and I wasn't about to miss any of it!"

It's true, my great great aunt, Margaret Reid, was the first American to make her debut at the Met. Later she turned down a private audience with Queen Victoria because she had a prior engagement (turning down the Queen's request was unheard of). However, Victoria was so impressed by Margaret's loyalty to her "public" that she gave her one of her favorite necklaces, a jeweled cross. Now it rests in a lock box at a bank in Indianapolis.


Mom: "They went on a computer and looked it up and then let me in upstairs at one of the balconies. So I didn't miss a thing!"

***********************************************************

The following day we went to MOMA, but this time we set down EXPLICIT procedures. If Mom hadnt seen either one of us in over a half hour she was to head back to a designated area and wait for one of us to get her. Well, it worked for the first 2 floors...Over an hour (again) had gone by, she is NO WHERE. Eventually I see her hurrying to get to the "designated area" where she stands nervously.

Me: "MOM! You are in Trouble! Miss and I have been taking turns looking for you and standing in this spot for over an hour. You didn't obey the rules! Where were you!"
Mom: "Well, I know, I know I didnt do as I was told. I dont know what happened. I took an elevator and got sort of lost and then I found the gift shop and they had such wonderful books and I got completely lost in a Bob Dylan book, did you know he was a painter? I didnt, I'm having them ship the book to me. And I had to get a book about Lucien Freud, he sure does have a lot of books. It probably took me 20 minutes to decide which one to get. Anyway, I just forgot and I rushed over here as quickly as I could. I'm sure you girls must want my hide."




My mom, Lolly, (that's her real, impossibly perfect name) has always been this way. Age has only intensified it. My mom reports that when I was 3 or 4 I marched up to her after being scolded and said with my hands on my hips "Don't talk to me back to myself! Dont you know, I'm really the mother!"

more deep thoughts

momversations

Mom: Guess what!
Me: What?
Mom: I'm getting a cell phone!
Me: Wow. You seem so excited, that's great Mom. Did Tom help you?
Mom: No! I did it all by myself.
Me: Really, Mom I applaud your efforts.
Mom: Well, you young people and your equipment. I'm only getting it for emergencies.
Me: Well, that's all you need it for.
Mom: It's only $20 a month, and I get 50 minutes! And I dont have to pay for the phone, now I think that's a real deal.
Me: It's perfect for you.
Mom: I just called Verizon, well, I had to call twice because the first girl I talked to...well, she had one of those accents that people talk with now.
Me: What do you mean? She was foreign?
Mom: No, she just, well, no one your age really talks that way, but younger people do. It's embarrassing but, I just cant understand it. Imagine, I cant even understand English! I was nice about it, but I had to ask her to repeat everything 3 and 4 times and I only partially understood.
Me: Can you imitate it for me?
Mom: No. It's sort of high and something about the way they say M's and the O's. It's a blurry sound. So after about 20 minutes I just told her I dont understand and then I called back 5 minutes later and, thank god, I got a nice man who spoke the kind of English that I can hear. He helped me get my phone.

********
Later, same phone call...

Mom: I'm playing a 60 year old in a play! (Mom is 74) Isnt that a riot? I play a preacher's wife who's very staunch and she only dyes her hair in the front. And guess who plays my husband...
Me: Who?
Mom: My cousin, John ! And, as you know, he's a gay. It's just a crack-up!

around the hood

HAVE SO BEEN, DUDE.

Pet Inside