Mom: Guess what!
Me: What?
Mom: I'm getting a cell phone!
Me: Wow. You seem so excited, that's great Mom. Did Tom help you?
Mom: No! I did it all by myself.
Me: Really, Mom I applaud your efforts.
Mom: Well, you young people and your equipment. I'm only getting it for emergencies.
Me: Well, that's all you need it for.
Mom: It's only $20 a month, and I get 50 minutes! And I dont have to pay for the phone, now I think that's a real deal.
Me: It's perfect for you.
Mom: I just called Verizon, well, I had to call twice because the first girl I talked to...well, she had one of those accents that people talk with now.
Me: What do you mean? She was foreign?
Mom: No, she just, well, no one your age really talks that way, but younger people do. It's embarrassing but, I just cant understand it. Imagine, I cant even understand English! I was nice about it, but I had to ask her to repeat everything 3 and 4 times and I only partially understood.
Me: Can you imitate it for me?
Mom: No. It's sort of high and something about the way they say M's and the O's. It's a blurry sound. So after about 20 minutes I just told her I dont understand and then I called back 5 minutes later and, thank god, I got a nice man who spoke the kind of English that I can hear. He helped me get my phone.
********
Later, same phone call...
Mom: I'm playing a 60 year old in a play! (Mom is 74) Isnt that a riot? I play a preacher's wife who's very staunch and she only dyes her hair in the front. And guess who plays my husband...
Me: Who?
Mom: My cousin, John ! And, as you know, he's a gay. It's just a crack-up!
