Mom: I'm having one of those colonoscopies tommorow. That's not that thing you do, right. You do something different.
Me: Yeah, I get colonics.
Mom: Well how often?
Me: Oh, like once or twice a year.
Mom: and you think it's help to keep your weight down?
Me: Well, I don't know, maybe. That's not why I do it, but it does help my body digest better so it probably helps with weight. But honestly Mom, I eat pretty well and exercise regularly, plus I'm not really a fat person to begin with.
Mom: Well, no. You're not fat, but you have a bigness, you have...what would I call it...mass.
Me: (silently to self) @#^#@%$#^$#*&^%^#@^^%)(**^%#$#$!$@##W^&%^%!
Anne Lamott recounts a story from her friend, Tom.
Tom:
"Parents behavior can make us a little crazy sometimes. My 94 year old mother said something annoying to me over the phone on Christmas Eve, and I wined at her, 'I HATE it when you say that.' So she says it again, right? I said, 'Please dont't say that. It makes me feel like an eleven year old.' And when she said it again, I slammed down the phone.
She's 94! I'm a middle-aged PRIEST----and it's Christmas Eve!"
