RAZR blades

After months of complaining about how much I hated my Motorola RAZR phone, fate intervened and took it away. At the time, and for the days following, it was the particulars of the dissappearance that got to me. For four days I looked for symbolic meaning. Was I not connecting with people? Did I need a push to get rid of some questionable friendships? Was I too attached to the past? Did I take things for granted? Was I a bad person? All aboard, express train to crazytown.

I have a new phone now.
Now Im thinking about the sense of isolation I felt when I knew I couldnt contact or be contacted. Many times I have accidentally left my phone behind and felt a rush of pleasure for the spontaneous solitude. Why was this so different? Sure there's the hassle of having to corral everyone's number, and a year's worth of dear images (spectacular sunsets, adventures, friends and intimates, children, oddities, the art in everyday life) are all gone. But I felt gripped by a sharp, hollow presence in those 4 phoneless days. I still cant quite shake it, and I feel different. Like, maybe something had to die so something else could be born...but it's all happened in the shadows of my being. It doesnt feel bad, just unfamiliar. I hope whatever got born has a rockin' sense of humor.